green is a power color for geminis

What's up everyone,

the Eagles are the fuckin superbowl champs. I was raised in an always-support-the-home-team underdog kinda house. I feel like I do so many things for my mom and my two dads, and shit, the superbowl was on my stepdad's birthday. family is complicated. a sense of belonging to a group can be (and is) fleeting (for me). i have lots of fond memories of being temporarily recognized as "belonging" amongst
headbangers
skaters
punks
freaks
fags

(and here i take a long pause to tell my steady how i've been feeling like...
somehow i can exude an energy that others recognize yet i cannot feel myself
and... am i a man?
and... lol this is that #nonbinary feeling
and... what a letdown i feel like internet based #discourse is somehow an orchestrated distraction
or else maybe i'd try to articulate these in-between feelings in conversational relations

i'm stoked cause i got this ghost in the shell book when i was at kinokuniya in nyc the other day (during a work trip).

ursula k leguin passed and it made me angry and i couldn't put my finger on why except that i continued to think about her correspondence with Tiptree...
my man said people out here talking bout leguin being this anarchist and shit but joanna russ was the real deal
and i'm like... leguin, i sent her a short letter and a metropolarity brochure after her book award speech that everyone quoted in meme pictures marking her death, the "capitalism seems inescapable" jawn
and she sent me back a postcard that said i have to keep going
and where has her energy dispersed?
and when i think "am I a man?" i feel more like one of those left hand of darkness dudes

and i feel frustrated maybe even straight up angry trying to articulate anything about gender anymore because ....lol i can't even do it now. i like what reina gossett and juliana huxtable say, and che gossett too if you have the wherewithal to understand that academic wizard speak.

i think art institutions are bullshit and i despise the academy for their distancing/stratification of regular working people (throughout history), and yet so much of the art world and intellectual world of western capitalist power dynamics dominate a landscape of resources that so much of my cohort is entrenched in. reliant upon? myself included?

im not so sure bout that one. the other day i pondered the final sentence of my (personally cringe-worthy) ode to rock lee piece

AND WHAT IS A WORKING CLASS PERSON’S WORTH IN THE FANTASY WHERE THEY STOP WORKING?

motherfuckers don't even utter the words "working class" anymore because it went somewhere.
i don't know what to do with this frustration when i get lumped in with people whose parents were both professors or some other middle class career having shit.

when dreams & nightmares plays my favorite line is "Gangstas move in silence, [omitted], and I don't talk a lot
I don't say a word, I don't say a word"
it's worrisome that this song became an eagles hype song bc of all the white eagles fans and that song is loaded with the n-word.
it blows my mind that ppl who aren't Black feel okay saying it at all. to me it is and feels like forbidden language. for someone who is not meant to utter the forbidden language, doing so becomes a condemnation on the self. sometimes i think of it in fantasy terms – there are words some can utter and they are powerful words, yet the same words can be a curse on the tongue of a fool.
with this in mind, i love dreams & nightmares.

language is a tool, i have long said.
one day i might have a school for youngsters, of some sort of training, and in the school we will learn the power inherent in words. there was a time before words. there are times of silence.

Sandra Bland's birthday is today. this is worth a listen. still your mind.









word power order.

this was a good article by the internet homie lou. about witches and white women.

While they might hex Trump, they do not in any meaningful way extend their lifestyle to stand with those still marked by the history of the heathen.

then this quincy jones interview came out recently, and again i'm delighted at the words. the things not said. the statements. the suggestions.
fuck the academy for grinding the magic out of words.
that's how i feel about it.
i can't begrudge anyone who willingly invests themself in the towers, because everyone has their own motives and moving positions in the matrixes.

i rewatched ghost in the shell ARISE. i don't know why the 4th episode isn't on netflix like the other 3. well, ok i just realized there is a scene where these riot cops get hacked and start shooting each other and into a crowd that's protesting a water deal ... idk. those superbowl commercials have me feeling extra grim about the parable of the sower future potential.

lately i feel like a pin constricted in a stack of different junctures.


write back if you want.
monk


p.s. i started making water resistant tote bags.