~*HeReTiCs To ThA fRoNt*~

hi everyone.

happy full moon in gemini / mercury retrograde kickoff.

this is what i had in a draft before i got my period
wow where is my body
why do i only want to pay attention to it when i thirst or it hurts
i eat anxiously
stay up too late for what
forget to touch myself
can't remember my last shower

and after, now that i've gotten back on my green smoothie game and lived life a little, i'm like hm. wow. ok. i am taking care of all that. i'm moving out of an overworked rut. tonight i'm having a fire in my backyard. even typing "my backyard" makes me compelled to speak about the back driveway where the kids on my block rode our bikes. did you have a backyard growing up? could you play in it? my nana had a backyard but it was covered in poison ivy. as a child i ate deadly nightshade in the same backyard, and had to be rushed to the hospital. my mom swears she got a strong grey streak right after that. she was 23. i have a grey streak in the same place.

the end of year theme is mothers, mentors, parents.
rerouting to lost childhoods.
17 yr old scorpio willow smith's new album has been crucial listening to a 12yr old me

here is a nice tarot reference site that i often use when i draw cards. the thing i like about it is that each card has a set of questions to answer at the bottom of the page. you can use these as journal prompts, either written down or questions you ask and answer aloud. i find them very useful. self introspection and reflection

thanks to ty stranger for passing me a link to BLADE RUNNER 2022, a short anime directed by Shinichiro Watanabe (Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo). it eclipses the entire 2049 movie in like two minutes, arguably in every way.. BUT OF COURSE us anime nerds already know the wealth of storytelling capability that exists M I RITE??? anyway, there are 2 other live action shorts as well and those are both "good" in that they give you more storytelling and character insight in FIVE MINUTES than that whole 3 hour mess.

i tried out NaNoWriMo (national novel writing month) for the first time ever, committing myself to write every single day (no set wordcount). it went well until the week around thanksgiving, and then a bevy of other obligations started in on my available capacity.

since i last emailed, i put down any books i was reading. it's holidaze at my job – i work in this boutique social media retail realm – and everything is time sensitive, so my mind is on some kaput overload type shit. my eyes too. i more and more need to rest my eyes from close, flat, centered looking and move them around and try to see further out. so in the meantime i've only had interest to read poorly written coverage on geopolitical power plays. [TW] it seems entirely feasible to me that russian politicians, who all seem to be super rich business men from other industries??? – well they were kicking it with other super rich influential men of industry and were like listen, we're all super rich guys that already know how to take control of a whole government... just do what we tell you and you'll be like us and then we can all party on the blood of the poor and have sex with their children. [/TW] we can destroy everything and no one can challenge us because google ceo and facebook ceo and twitter ceo are all our kinda boys, everyone is surveilled, and we're gonna colonize mars and be the new founding fathers!

then we're living in parable of the talents. or running man. or thx-1138. or ...

yeah, can you imagine something else happening? i'm like o shit amerikkka is an axis power now. i remember after fuckface won someone tweeted "what a funny way to lose the cold war" and I was like damnnnnnnnnn....... yeah.

BY THE WAY, MY FRIENDS, MY LOVES
if you're like me and had a fucking lazy white colonizer school education, do yourself a favor and read some wikipedias & in-depth articles about what "the cold war" was about or talk to someone who grew up when that was a constant headline threat. i know i grew up hearing a lot of politicized terms or words they threw around in the news, being too young to have lived through the actual events & context... but it's very worth it to learn yourself up. ask some elders in your life. you'll gain some serious perspective into the events of now. those of us who have the privilege of living without having to understand events of the past need to make it our business to learn about that same past now.

Some headlines:
Facebook may soon ask you to "upload a photo of yourself that clearly shows your face," to prove you're not a bot.
Facebook explains how it’ll review nude photos to stop revenge porn
...and this twitter thread on the medium article on creepy kid youtubes

this weekend i had my boots blacked for the first time and it reminded me how i haven't put out a smut story in quite a long time. it's a strange feeling for four years of my life to whisk by. yet here i am.

slightly related, i've got merch again 1 - desire hope despair short sleeve variant | s ~ 5xl
2 - patches for cyborgs
3 - mean scary femme appreciation club tote
4 - desire hope despair long sleeve restock | s ~ 5xl
5 - pins for cyborgs
what's everyone's favorite smut story?
>=}

ok i should go and get this fire started.
^-^/

03 dec 17
monk
lenapehoking / philly